So, after onewingedmuse put up her start of a parody, and reading through Shinga's, and listening to Kristin Chenoweth for a few days, this popped into my head. It's not worth putting as a deviation, but just something amusing to anyone who gets the Twilight jokes.

So, here's Edward the Sparkling Guy, a parody of "Taylor, the Latte Boy".

There’s a boy outside my window.
He is super mega awesome foxy hot.
He is super mega awesome foxy hot,
Well…just because he is.

Every day I try to talk to
That ravishing, gorgeous creature,
He says that I’m a moron,
And I love him ever more!

So, today when the van nearly hit me.
We decided we should discuss…
Well, it was really his decision…
But, whatever, it’s okay!

So, today we went up mountains,
And I rode up on his strong back.
There was sunlight in the clearing.
And he said it’s all just fine!

And he stepped into the sunlight, and then all of my dreams came true!
Because when vampires step into sunshine,
This happens to be exactly what they do:

Edward, the sparkling guy.
He’s so shiny I might cry.
Oh, Edward, that sparkling guy!
I want him…
I want him…
I want him…

He said that he was evil.
And then he told me that he wasn’t.
And then he told me that he was again.
And then he again denied!

I really got a lot of mixed signals,
But he really is quite pretty.
So even if he a little cruel,
Who really gives a damn?

When he took me down that hill thing,
when I was riding on his back again
He kissed my lips and suddenly,
I was unable to drive.

(But thousands of little fangirls,
Are gonna grow up disappointed.
Because kissing kinda doesn’t do that.
And vampires aren’t real.)

He said, “Friends don’t let friends drive drunk.”
And sappy as it was I agreed.
Well, it’s not like I can run my own life.
And a woman’s not a woman without babies.

Edward, that sparkling guy.
He dazzles girls and makes them cry.
Edward, that sparkling guy!
I want him...
I want him…
I want him…

I’ve always been the kind of girl, that never quite fit in.
But everything I’ve ever wanted can come to me, all it takes is this bad fanfiction.

Edward, you sparkling beast.
Without the sex we’ve got the heat.
Oh, Edward, you sparkling beast!
You’re abusive…
Controlling…
But sexy.

I may complain, and whimper and whine,
But as long as I lose my backbone love can be mine!

Oh, Edward, that sparkling guy.
I want him,
I want him,
I want him.

He’s sexy.
He sparkles.
I want him.


Back to me now, I have to say that I really wouldn't care about the whole Twilight fiasco if all it was is poor writing. If it's just fluff and mush and thousands of girls across the country think it's the best thing ever, well, what's new?

But the fact that he's emotionally abusive towards Bella, controlling, and he withholds sex from her as a way to coerce her into marriage (which isn't okay if you're a woman either)? The fact that there's classism, sexism, racism and loads more skipping through the series and the kids think all that isn't there, or if it is it's fine and dandy because it's fictional?

I'm not cool with that, and no one else should be either. I'd like to believe there's more important issues than just not having sex before marriage, which is the only "good" moral this series contains, wouldn't you?